Oh No He DIDN'T!!

As I've said before, God, in His wisdom has chosen to bless me with two sons. Which, is a good thing, because, I am NOT cut out to be the mother of girls. The whole girly thing just leaves me
mystified, and honestly, I think whining should be grounds for lethal injection.

I once, honest to God, got into a Whine-Off with a bratty 4 year old girl I was teaching in Vacation Bible School. Here I was supposed to be teaching her about God's love for her and I spent the majority of the class-time one day trying to out-whine her. It's not something I'm proud of, but, there you go. I know ALL girls aren't whiny, bratty, little fashion obsessed shop-o-ramas, but who wants to risk it?

Anyway, my boys are not only good people, they're incredibly thoughtful and considerate. They've inherited those traits from their father, not me, and I wish, just ONCE, somebody would argue that point with me, but, I'm not holding my breath.

Recently, my youngest went on a band trip to Disney Whatever (I can never remember which one is World and which one is Land....this was the one in Florida - whichever). He had a wonderful time, not surprising, and he brought back souvenirs for me, his daddy and his brother, VERY SURPRISING.

Not only did he take the time to BUY us souvenirs, he bought us souvenirs we'd actually LIKE...I mean, this kid put some thought into this. He bought his dad a Mickey Mouse T-shirt, and his brother a sword with an eye patch and me...well, my gifts were the most wonderful of all. That's right, I said GIFTS, plural....is this kid racking up the inheritance points or WHAT?

My baby boy brought me the BEST gifts..the first one was a pink MINNIE Mouse coffee mug (I've got a real thing for coffee cups/mugs) and the second was *gasp* Belgian chocolate...real high quality chocolate from BelgiumLand or someplace like that. *sigh* Let me just say that I had a sample of that Gift from the Cocoa Gods and it is the BEST chocolate I've ever put in my MOUTH, and there is where my problem begins.

If you've gone waaay back to the first entries on this blog, you know that, around 3 years ago I lost my mind, joined Weight Watchers, and proceeded to lose over 100 pounds. Why? I have NO idea..I was fat and happy and I LOVED eating whatever I wanted, WHENEVER I wanted, HOW EVER DAMN MUCH I wanted. But, lose the weight I did and, as you might imagine, ever since, I've been in mortal fear of "finding" it again.

Now, you don't get 100 pounds overweight without having some, shall we say "food issues", and giving ANY chocolate, not to mention, high quality, "this is what God intended when he invented chocolate" chocolate to someone like me is sort of like giving an alcoholic the keys to the liquor store and offering to hold their purse. I'm saying it's a binge just waiting to happen.

So far, I've done pretty good with only having a small bit of the nectar every day...there was that one day when I had TWO bits, but a piece fell off when I moved the candy bar and I figured it was God's way of telling me my first piece wasn't big enough.

Some of you are probably thinking I should have just refused the candy...told my sweet, precious, incredibly thoughtful, should-be-nominated-for-sainthood son, "No thank you." Uh huh...and I can tell you that YOU obviously suffer from delusions and should seek medical help immediately. No WAY was I turning down that chocolate. I mean, he was so THOUGHTFUL and all and he dragged it home all the way from FLORIDA for crying out loud...so what if it was a little melted...I put it in the icebox and it firmed right up. Like Homer Simpson said, "It's still good, it's still good."

But, the fact remains that the existence of the chocolate is causing me a certain amount of stress and I think, being the kind of mother I am, that youngest son should be repaid in full.

I'm thinking I'm gonna take him and his sweetie to lunch at our local Hooter's restaurant. Yep, that oughta do it - him sitting there with his MOTHER and his GIRLFRIEND, while amply "blessed" women in tee-tiny tube tops serve him his lunch, and he tries to just look them in the EYE.

Oh yeah - Vengence is MINE, sayeth the MOM.