Outside The Locked Door seems like a strange title, but, it describes perfectly the events and happenings up to and during the birth of our first-ever grandchild. The absolutely perfect, very much loved and highly anticipated BabyGirl.
My husband, R, and I were told we were going to be grandparents on January 10, 2015. We were so thrilled and excited and couldn't wait to spread the news to the rest of our family and close friends. We had to reign in our enthusiasm, though, because our son, A and his wife, K, didn't want to tell anyone about the pregnancy until all the prenatal tests came back okay.
Now, that was definitely their perogative and it was their truth to tell. But, think about being a Future Grandparent (especially in a family that puts children above and before anything else), and you've just been told:
1) You have to sit on this most incredible, life altering, life affirming news for who knows how long, until we tell you different; and
2) You've just been told in a round about way that, if your future grandchild, who you already love and adore, doesn't pass the prenatal tests, her life will be terminated.
Just let that sink in for a moment....
Thankfully, BabyGirl, in true BabyGirl fashion, as you will soon see, passed all the obstacles placed in her path and sailed through those tests with a perfect score! Thank you Jesus (yes, there was a whole lot of praying going on at our house). Due to several errors and snafus obtaining the test results, we still had to wait until around mid-March before we could share our joy with others. That's two and a half months of knowing and not being able to tell. Kinda takes the bloom off the rose, ya know?
The following months passed fairly quickly and A and K began making all the decisions every soon to be parent must make. It was at brunch one Sunday when I was told that one of those decisions meant that I wouldn't be allowed in the labor room during K's labor. That was a little hurtful, but not surprising. My mother was with me both times my boys were delivered and I thought it was only right that K's mother would be there with her, as well.....except she wouldn't. We were told that this particular hospital only allowed the Birth Father and One Other Person to be present during Labor and Delivery and that One Other Person would be a Doula....or in this case, not an "actual" doula, but some one who was training to be a doula. Sort of like having a 3rd year medical student do your gallbladder surgery. Uh huh, exactly.
Don't get me wrong..I know the birthing industry has changed a lot since my sons were born, and even more so since I, myself, was born. I know more power and authority are being given to expectant parents today to decide just how and where they want their child to make an entrance. I applaud that..information and education are two of our biggest allies in this world, especially when dealing with the medical community.
I have friends whose grandchildren were born, successfully, in birthing centers, rather than hospitals. Attended to by trained certified doulas - both with medical doctors in attendance and without. The difference is the amount of training it takes to become certified is important. You don't become certified until you fulfill the requirements. There's a reason for that, and a first time birth may NOT be the right time for an unsupervised trainee, in my opinion.
It was scary, but it was A & K's decision to make and R and I had to accept it and hope and pray for the best.
The months went by and the August 3rd due date crept closer and closer, and then just went right on by. BabyGirl was taking after her daddy and arbitrary due dates held no meaning for her.
At the Friday, August 7th appointment, K's OBGYN recommended inducing labor on the following Tuesday, August 11th, if BabyGirl still hadn't made her appearance.
As luck, and BabyGirl, would have it, we got THE CALL from A on Monday, saying K was in labor and BabyGirl was on her way! YAY!
We were told they were waiting at home as long as they could, and they'd keep us posted. Again, YAY! A call came from A a few hours later and they were headed to the hospital.
R and I grabbed our stuff and off we went....driving straight to the hospital and straight to Labor and Delivery and our soon to be beloved grandchild....except they weren't IN Labor & Delivery.
We get to the hospital and ask what floor we need, jump in the elevator and run out, looking for a familiar face...A, or K's Mother, perhaps? We find an empty waiting room and a locked door with instructions to "buzz for assistance". I buzzed, and waited.....buzzed and waited....buzzed and waited - nothing. The doors were locked (a common theme at this hospital EXCEPT on the floors reserved for Isolation patients, which my family has learned the hard way, sad to say.)
By this time, I haven't heard any word from A or K, and I'm a Nana on a mission. I wait until someone comes OUT of the doors, and before they close, I holler at R and he and I run through. I beeline to the nurses station and ask about a mom in labor, K P? Only to be told, she hadn't been admitted through L&D ...she was down in the Emergency Room. EMERGENCY ROOM???
Okay, regroup....R and I run down to the Emergency Room, and ANOTHER locked door. I grab either an intern or a resident or a really, really young looking doctor, plead my case and he leads us back through the locked doors to the room where my son, my daughter-in-law, her mother and the Doula trainee are sitting....waiting to see what the doctor says.
Well, no available space in THAT particular room and we're very conscious of being somewhere we shouldn't. So, after asking A to keep us updated, R and I turn around and go to the ER waiting room. Where we sit and wait, and wait, and wait....Finally, I text A and discover they are actually going to admit K and they'll be moved to Labor & Delivery! YAY!! Progress!!
R and I run back over to L&D, and sit in the waiting room, and wait, and wait, and wait. Again, I finally text A and ask for updates and he tells me they're just getting her settled in and it's liable to be a long wait.
Rather than take up space in the waiting room...which was crowded and getting more crowded every minute, we decide to go home and wait from there. We ask A to please, please keep us posted (are you sensing a theme, here?)
We go home and have a sleepless night, waiting for the phone to ring or the text alert to sound. We heard neither. In the morning I text A and ask for an update. He tells me K's labor stalled overnight and they're waiting for the doctor.
Okay, keep us posted, please?
We hear nothing for hours, finally I break down and text A to find out that K's in active labor, but it's going really slowly.
Knowing how labor can often be a matter of hurry up and wait, and, frankly, being tired of begging for updates, I ask A to please let us know when K starts to push.
At long last, we get the call....K has started to push! We rush to the hospital and run to the L&D waiting room where we meet my sister, M, and K's mother, D,( K had previously asked D to leave the room), so she was in the waiting room with us....waiting, waiting, waiting. I text A and let him know we're there, and, you guessed it, we wait, we wait, we wait.
Occasionally we ask at the tiny window if there are any updates, but we're quickly informed that they can't give out any information whatsoever. The doors to the answers are locked.
Okay....finally, three hours later, I can't stand it and text A again, begging for info. He replies that BabyGirl has just emerged! She's HERE!!
Several minutes later the doula trainee comes through the door and tells us K delivered "like a boss" and she shows us the first ever pictures of our first ever grandchild. She's gorgeous beyond words and R and I know we'll never be the same again.
We wait patiently to be allowed back to see the new little family....and we wait, and we wait, and we wait. An aide or nurse's asst. walks by and tells us how beautiful the baby is.
And still we wait, and we wait, and we wait. Finally, I get up and ask at the tiny window for some information and the nurse looks surprised and tells me that we could have gone back to see them an hour ago. She takes pity on us and says she'll check and make sure it's okay.
Finally, THREE HOURS after she was born, R and I get shown to the room where we see a very proud A, a very tired and hungry K and the most beautiful, precious thing we've ever seen.
We coo over her and R and I take turns holding her. There has never been anything like this in my entire life. I'm speechless.
We just stay for a small amount of time (a nanosecond, if you ask my daughter-in-law), because we know they'd like to rest and bask in their new little family. And since we weren't invited to visit in the first place, but had to push our way in, we feel we're intruding.
Her name is as original and beautiful as she is. We learned her name when, before we were allowed back, K posted a birth announcement on facebook. Yes, that's right....we found out our granddaughter's name via social media. That seems kind of wrong, doesn't it? Especially since we were right down the hall, OUTSIDE THE LOCKED DOOR.
