Family Night At Our Favorite Greek Restaurant.

I'm having a bad day, and I decided to make a list of all the things that are currently ticking me off and/or upsetting me. Get yourself a snack, it's a long list.

1. My house smells. I don't know what it is, or WHY it smells. All I can tell you is there's definitely an odor. I have a really highly defined sense of smell, and that coupled with my OCD is driving me straight up the wall. I think the odor is centered around Roger's closet and the patio room. It might even be some kind of squirrel mummy stuck in the attic, which leads me to....

2. We have squirrels in our attic. Not just regular squirrels - these are very athletic, very noisy, very social squirrels who apparently like to entertain between 6 - 7:00 a.m. every morning. Squirrels do brunch - who knew? I went on a wildlife removal company's website and discovered that squirrels and "other vermin" (yes, squirrels are actually VERMIN - which DID NOT make me feel better), once they are in your attic, they burrow through your insulation, making nests and "soiling" everything. Yep, those vermin are using our attic as their 2,000 square foot litter box. Those cute little buggers are getting uglier by the minute, I can tell you.

3. My dog is an evil demon from Hell and is out to destroy my life. Okay, maybe that's a little harsh, but I'm very disgusted with She Who Is Thisclose To Getting Shipped Off To Doggie Obedience Camp. I'm tired of being dragged every morning from one smell to another, tired of trying to walk around and avoid her "kitty deposit" snacking opportunities, and tired of being afraid to answer the doorbell - not because of who might be on the other side, but because of being tackled from behind by this 90 pound, blonde, visitor seeking missile.

The mailman just delivered a package for Joseph (believe me, I'll make sure he knows he's to blame when he gets home). I try to open the door just a tee tiny bit, so my sweet and understanding mailman can slip the mail through to me, when Little Miss Nuclear Bomb shoves her way through and takes off like a pmsing woman chasing the Russell Stover's delivery van.

I drop the mail, grab the leash and high tail it after her. Is anything more embarassing than screaming and chasing after your dog, while the dog continues running around doing whatever the Hell it wants, with a slap happy grin on its' face? Yeah, everybody, look at ME - I am obviously in charge of this situation. Who needs Cesar Milan? Not me, nope, I am SOOO much the pack leader.

The neighbor across the street helps me grab Layla and I get her leashed up and she STILL continues to PULL ME DOWN THE STREET!!! Now, this is just adding insult to injury, isn't it? She got her free romp - why can't she be a little giving and at least ACT like she's taken a training class (which she HAS, by the way)? Oh no, she's gotta push and push and push (or in this case, pull and pull and pull) - hey, there might be a nice cat poop snack out there she's missed.

By this time, I'm seriously rethinking my decision NOT to use my father's approach to dog training. Which is to beat the ever lovin' snot out of a dog when it misbehaves. Sure, you get a dog that dives for cover and pees on itself every time you lift your hand to scratch your nose, but you DON'T have to worry about them misbehaving.

4. My yard looks like war torn Iraq. Seriously, string some barbed wire and slap up some sniper towers and you don't even have to go remote to do convincing war coverage stories. I'd like to have one of those "livable back yards". The kind that just BEGS you to come sit and enjoy a book or the wildlife (except the vermin). The only problem is, I'm too lazy to do it myself and we can't afford to hire it done. A couple of things are ahead of that in the financial line....college educations for two.

5. I'm lonely and I'm just gonna get lonlier. I know, I know, break out the violins....but, I can't help it. Being a Stay At Home Mom is a wonderful job. Except, you don't realize how great it is until you're DONE doing it. At least I didn't.

Alex has been moved out a while and has recently moved EVEN FURTHER away from us. Joseph is going away to college in the Fall, further breaking my heart and ruining my life, and apparently the DOG is even trying desperately to get away from me.

6. I can't even enjoy my pity party in peace. I got a Christmas Card from a used-to-be neighbor today. She has two kids that are our kids' ages, and in her yearly Christmas Letter (yes, she's one of THOSE people), she told about her son being in a horrible car accident last February. A very severe accident, which, among other things, resulted in him losing two fingers on his left hand.

She didn't go into other details, but the fact that he's moved back home at the age of 22 and is working for the "family company" tells a story of it's own. It also tells me that I should shut up and stop feeling sorry for myself. If a smelly house, live-in squirrels, a manic dog and a touch of lonliness are my only problems - then I don't have any problems at all.

Joseph told us the other day that he had been voted Most Unique by the senior class. I really don't think he knew how to take it, maybe didn't know if it was a compliment or a joke, depending on the definition of "unique".

Roger and I tried to reassure him that it was, indeed a compliment. But, how do you tell someone, someone like Joseph, how very special they really are.

Joseph started out special, he was born on his due date, which, in case you didn't know, is extremely rare. Only a very small percentage of babies are actually born on their predicted due dates. Others arrive sometime during the two weeks prior or the two weeks after. It's NOT an exact science, except for special people - people like Joseph.

As a baby, Joseph was incredibly easy. He came here loving to sleep and eat, and after the nightmare baby that Alex (his older brother) was, this made him very special.

Toddler years were a different matter, altogether. When Joseph reached the age of question, and he reached it VERY early, in my opinion, the words "just because" didn't mean a lot to him. We had some rough and rocky times until I learned that this child, this very special child, wasn't being difficult on purpose. He was merely questioning the WHYS and REASONS behind the rules and behaviors the world was imposing on him.

Once it was explained to Joseph why a rule was needed, he'd think about it, and if it made sense to him, he'd obey without further question. Silly and nonsensical rules were up for discussion and debate, and IF Joseph decided to follow the arbitrary rules, it was because of his love and/or respect for the person making the request, NOT because it was what was expected.

Joseph, just by his very existence, has taught so many people so many things. His pre-school teacher learned a child can be older and wiser than his years, but, yet still be a child with childlike actions. He taught his art teacher that artistic talent can be detected and guided in someone as young as 7 years old. He taught his second grade teacher that standing up for what's right is more important than going to recess on time.

His band buddies on their trip to Disney a couple of years ago, learned much more about Disney than they would have if Joseph hadn't taken over their group and organized their activities, including bathroom breaks. Such is the burden of a born leader, a leader like Joseph.

Throughout his life, Joseph has helped and tutored friends in academics, art and band. He's always been going places and he's going to take the people he loves with him, no matter how much work it might be.

He's funny and talented and smart and stubborn and loving and dedicated and determined; and he holds himself to almost impossibly high standards. Standards that are so high, most people would be happy with much, much less.

Even so, his standards are only for himself. He isn't boastful or condescending to those who haven't achieved his level of success. He believes every person is an individual, with special gifts and talents to share, and to appreciate.

How do you tell someone that, because of them, you're a better person? That you've learned to look past the surface, and not always take the easy way out. To question the rules and stand against them if they're wrong, no matter the possible penalty. That the rocky, winding road may not be the easiest, but the sights you'll see and the feelings you'll have will be worth so much more; and to give anything less than my best effort is a greater insult to myself than if I try and fail.

God gives us gifts and blessings in life. Joseph is both a gift and a blessing to me, but, I believe he's more than that. I truly believe Joseph is a gift to mankind. The kind of human being who, just by his very existence, makes the world, and it's people, a better place to be. THAT, is the definition of UNIQUE.

Let me tell ya, it was a close call!!

Picture this - Roger, who is so afraid of heights the man has to psyche himself up to climb a 6 ft. ladder, was precariously propping the ladder across the hedges in front of the house (now, anyone who knows me, knows that my house is on a terraced front yard - so the top of my yard is about the heighth of the top of the trees across the STREET - yep, the air is rare up there.

Joseph was on TOP of the house, LEANING way the hell over to staple gun the string of lights across the eaves. Everytime he'd go to squeeze the staple gun, the force of it would literally LIFT him off the roof about 2-3 inches, then plop his clueless azz back down again.

Alex is on the ground (thank God one of them is Earthbound at least) and is in charge of "holding the ladder". Note to self, holding the ladder apparantly is man-code for casually resting a foot on the lowest rung, while shouting instructions to the idiot on the ladder above you.

Alex is ALSO in charge of transporting needed supplies to the idiot on the roof - which involves a lot of hand waving and heaving of various heavy, sharp and possibly lethal objects, including staple guns, boxes of extra staples and wire cutters - the sharp ones. All of these items Joseph delights and takes great pride in catching one-handed.

Please keep in mind Roger, the breadwinner of the family is directly UNDERNEATH all of this Sharp Object Heaving and One Handed Catching, busily untangling lights while hanging on by one elbow crooked in the ladder.

Oh, and don't forget the ingenious way he figured out how to MOVE the ladder over without all that unnecessary climbing up and down. That's right folks, you just grab the ladder in both hands and jerk it back and over a couple of inches (did I say JERK??). The problem with this is that if you don't do it right, you'll smash straight through the big dining room windows, but HEY, what's Holiday Decorating without a little risk?

I swear, it's a miracle I don't have a drinking problem.

A friend of mine recently came up with a fabulous idea...one which could make millions of dollars for someone who's not as bone lazy as we are.

Here's the idea: Feminine Hygiene Products designed SPECIFICALLY for women "of a certain age". Which means the ARMIES of us currently going through the torture of perimenopause.

This brilliant idea was born out of pain and suffering....the pain and suffering of hearing me gripe and complain about the injustices of this really fun phase of my life. Particularly the following two observations: 1) If you can't see how to open the mini pad box without your cheater glasses on, you shouldn't HAVE to need the pads anymore; and 2) If you can't open the tampon wrapper because of the arthritis in your hands, you shouldn't need those anymore either. Seriously, enough is enough, okay?

All we need is a product name and some catchy advertising tag lines and VOILA, we're in business. Another friend suggested the name, Meni-Pads, which beat MY suggestions of:

1) Well, CRAP!
2) Dammit, Not Again!
3) How Long Will This Bullshit Go On?
and
4) Somebody's Going To Hear About This!!

Obviously, I'm currently too close to the situation to think of a good (and not obscene) product name. However, I DO have some possible tag lines we can use:

1) Use "Meni-Pads" and nobody gets hurt.
2) Use "Meni-Pads" and have a homicide-free period.
3) "Meni-Pads" because sometimes life sucks.
4) "Meni-Pads" because God's obviously a man and He's not gonna help you with this one.
5) "Meni-Pads" because NOBODY looks good in Jailhouse Orange.
6) "Meni-Pads" because your family is starting to fear you.

Our products will also be customized for our target audience. Instead of sanitary wipes, our products will contain various alibis, and the telephone numbers of criminal attorneys and bail bondsmen, in case of any unfortunate homicides and/or killing sprees.

Also, SOME specially marked packages will contain sweat rags and battery operated fans for those unplanned and inconvenient hot flashes; our Econo-Jumbo-Last Until You're Out Of This Hell-Package will include free samples of prescription anti-depressants and mood elevators.

Seriously, what more could you want? Except for not having to go through this lunacy in the first place?

Oh, and if you don't understand this entry or you think I'm being just a little too over the top about this whole issue? Well, then you obviously haven't been through menopause, aren't currently IN perimenopause or don't know anyone who's been there and done that and, frankly, you're ticking me off and I want you dead.

Now, where's that free Prozac sample?

When I was planning our Thanksgiving menu, I made the mistake of actually asking my boys if they wanted anything special. We'll have our regular turkey, dressing, giblet gravy, sweet potato casserole and pumpkin pie, of course.

Joseph requested mashed potatoes, because, apparantly he thinks the menu is lacking starchy foods. Alex asked for something different - he wanted the edamame salad from Central Market.

So, Monday morning found me making the hour long round trip to our "local" Central Market grocery, where, once again, I was faced with a breed of woman I find completely puzzling and amazing.

I'm talking women wearing 4 inch stilletto heels, and skin tight designer clothes to grab a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread (well, probably a gallon of organic soy and a loaf of 6 grain oatmeal/bran high fiber bread).

I think it's an accomplishment for me to make it to the grocery store fully dressed...matching clothes and make up is definitely a BONUS. In fact, if you want to know the truth, I've often been struck with a momentary panic in the grocery aisle, wondering if I still have my houseshoes on. If you saw my houseshoes, you'd understand the panic part - think fur that looks like a pink gay Grover on Sesame Street and you get the picture.

I think these designer females are fascinating and should be studied, but at a safe distance, in case whatever illness they have is contagious. The way my body is falling apart, I don't think I could DO grocery shopping in high heels.

Oh, and the salad? Got it...all two pounds and $15.00 worth. Man, these kids owe me.

I'm calling this recipe Cheater Reese's Brownie Cupcakes because it's unbelievable how easy it is...and, according to Joseph and his friends, they are one of the best things ever made.

1 Box of Duncan Hines Brownie Mix (the plain variety)
12 - 18 mini Reese's Peanut Butter Cups

Prepare brownie mix according to the package directions for cake-like brownies (which usually means using 3 eggs, instead of 2).

Line muffin tins with paper muffin cups (12 - 18, depending on how large you want your cupcakes)

Spoon each muffin cup half full with brownie batter. Place an unwrapped peanut butter cup into each muffin and cover with more brownie batter.

Bake at 350 degrees for 18 - 20 minutes.

FYI:

The cupcakes will look kind of strange on top because of the melted chocolate of the Reese's peanut butter cups. Don't worry, they're delicious!

I've become aware of a little known phenomenon. Want to expose your kids to new things and broaden their horizons? Just buy something for YOURSELF and see what happens.

I'm a Weight Watcher Lifetime Member and I'm always on the lookout for different foods that will help keep me OP (or "on plan" in WW lingo). Naturally, most of this food is of the "healthy" (or tasteless) variety and some of it can even be classified as "diet" (gasp). Doesn't matter...Joseph will search it out and consume it almost as fast as I can get it in the house.

Now, this is a kid who is over 6 feet tall and weighs maybe 170 pounds. He can eat whatever he wants, so somebody tell me why the fat free chips and the sugar free pudding are disappearing? Not to mention the new bran cereal I bought for myself JUST YESTERDAY. (Actually, that one's okay, I'm pretty sure he's gonna have a visit from the Bran Cereal Fairy that will more than make up for the fact that he pilfered my food - kind of like Intestinal Karma.)

The pantry raiding isn't really that bad. I'm a mom and to me, Food Is Love (which goes a long way in explaining how I became a WW member in the first place). But, the pilfering has gone from food to actual household items.

Alex was home yesterday for Roger's birthday and to give me a chance to get reacquainted with his dirty laundry. He'd been here for about an hour (eating continuously, by the way), when he asked me if I had an "extra" toaster he could borrow (read: have).

Being a good mother, I pulled my old toaster off the shelf, blew the dust out of it, and handed it over. I also remembered an old toaster-oven we'd stashed in Roger's closet. What? My house has NO available cupboard space, which often forces us to cram stuff in Roger's closet. We store stuff in Roger's closet because, no matter how much junk we pile in there, it really doesn't look much different than it does when it's just his CLOTHES in there.

Alex followed me back to the bedroom and I held his feet while he dove head-first into the closet after the buried toaster-oven treasure. After extensive rummaging and junk relocation, he found the toaster-oven, pulled it out and managed to escape the ensuing junk avalanche. I think it proves my point when I tell you that Roger didn't even notice we'd been in his closet, despite the fact that the only way we could get some of the stuff crammed back in was to stand back, hurl it in and slam the closet door real fast.

And, just this morning, I noticed Joseph plugging my new bluetooth back into the charger. I asked him what he was doing and he said he'd "borrowed" my bluetooth and he was resetting it to my phone number.

Now, what's ironic about this is, just the other day Roger and I were thinking about buying both boys a bluetooth for Christmas. I asked Joseph if he thought he'd like one and he assured me he had no use for a bluetooth, since he didn't spend that much time actually talking on the phone, mostly he uses text messaging. Silly me, how could I FORGET that $300.00 phone bill we received BEFORE we signed on for a free text-messaging plan!

I told Joseph it was okay for him to use my bluetooth, since I really didn't use it much myself. Honestly, it hurts my ear and makes my hair look funny (and I'm always afraid somebody will mistake me for a rock star - Ha!)

Maybe that's it...maybe the boys don't have a problem "borrowing" our stuff because we've always been more than happy to give it to them. I'm hoping they remember this and return the favor when they're rich and successful. But, just in case, I'm planning on telling my grandkids every little single thing we've ever done for their daddies, and encouraging them to expect the same things and even MORE.

I believe in leaving a Legacy.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am proud to announce that my son's band, The Mighty Poteet Pirate Marching Band, won the UIL 4A State Championship last week - and, if I may add, this is their SECOND State Championship in a row! Yes, Ma'am...back to back winners, Baybee!!

Oh, and if I may FURTHER add, my son had not one, not two, not three but FOUR, that's right, count 'em FOUR trumpet solos in said performance! A fact that almost every single person in the city of San Antonio is now aware of (yeah, Momma has a braggin' problem, allright).

It was a fabulous time and Roger and I are so glad we made the trip down and listened to eleventy hundred bands that we couldn't have cared LESS about, just so we were THERE when OUR band won the title! Oh, and a note to the event planners, if you have a program of continuous performances by high school marching bands...endless hours of drumlines, brass sections and woodwinds all playing music that sounds remarkably the same - if you have THAT as your event for the day, you might rethink the idea of having a COLLEGE MARCHING BAND as your halftime entertainment. Despite what some people might think - there IS such a thing as too much band. Ugh.

Of course, it was a regular Melinda kind of trip, complete with a cross dressing band father sitting behind me. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about tolerance and being open-minded. But it did take me back a little bit, when I turned around and the "couple" I'd been hearing behind me turned out to be an average looking wife and a husband who was in full drag attire, complete with long brunette wig, make up and acrylic nails.

I don't know if he/she was a candidate for surgery or not, but, judging by the visible cleavage he was sporting, he hadn't had anything done yet. My suggestion? He should start with a wax job on his chest. Yikes!

After the preliminary competition, we all got up to leave the Alamodome. We were saying our goodbyes and the wife looks at me, nudges her husband and says, "Go on, tell her." Oh God...I've told y'all how people are always telling me things they really SHOULDN'T tell me. Seriously, they share things with me I don't even think their Mothers or their Ministers want to know about. I could only imagine what this man/woman was going to say to me. Good Lord.

I shouldn't have worried...the man looked me in the eye and tells me he just LOVES my hair color and that my hairdresser had done a fabulous job with the highlights.

Now, seeing as how this person was meticulously groomed - with perfect make up and hair and I looked like I'd thrown my make up in the air and just ran through it, I do believe I'll proudly and gladly take that compliment.

And, lesson learned, you should always listen whenever someone wants to tell you something...it just might be something you really want to hear.

The boys are always asking me which one of them is my favorite. Alex thinks Joseph is my favorite and Joseph is convinced Alex is my favorite one.

I've got some news for them both.

I have no idea why, but Halloween is probably my all-time favorite holiday. Maybe it's because it's relatively chore-free. All you have to do is buy TONS of candy and spend a couple of hours one night handing it out to a bunch of strangers' kids. No shopping or baking required, just candy dispersal. I can definitely get on board with that.

We had our usual HORDE of Trick or Treaters last night. Seriously, we estimated that from 6:00 - 9:00 p.m. we had approximately 500 ghouls, goblins, ninjas, princesses, bees and lions begging us for candy. Oh, and one 74 year old woman, who was in charge of squiring her grandkids around, but managed to remember to bring a bag for herownself. Gotta love a woman who's prepared.

Two of our neighbors set up scary haunted houses - a little TOO scary if you ask me, but since they never DID, I guess they'll never know. All night long it sounded like someone was being savagely murdered right outside our front door. Talk about your festive holiday spirit!

The first Tricksters/Treatsters pulled up in front of our house at 6:00 p.m., opened their car doors and tumbled out of their SUV. It was non-stop kids from then on. Seriously, the doorbell didn't even RING..there wasn't enough time between moochers to even step away from the door.

Roger and Layla stood there for three straight hours just barking and handing out candy. Layla was in charge of barking and Roger headed up candy distribution, but occasionally, Layla tried to switch jobs by snatching the candy from the bowl. I'd LIKE to say we threw those few Layla slobber soaked pieces away...yeah, I'd LIKE to say that, but I CAN'T say it, because, truthfully? We wiped the dog spit off and pitched it back in the bowl. We're talking SURVIVAL here folks - would YOU want to run out of candy with that many sugar crazed kids roaming your neighborhood?

And, speaking of the neighborhood, ours was so packed last night there was a traffic jam on our street. Alex came over to carve pumpkins with his brother (something that brings back such wonderful memories and chokes me right up, I can tell you), and when he left, he had to avoid the traffic jams by driving down the alleys.

So, today's the day after my favorite Holiday. I've already gotten the Halloween decorations put away, and I've gotten out the stuff for Thanksgiving. Layla and I saw the remnants of a good time on our walks today: the odd candy bar, sucker, and plastic fangs.

Apparently, the haunted houses were a big hit and very authentic; judging by Layla's biggest score this morning...she snarfed up an entire piece of pepperoni pizza in front of one of the houses that was "haunted".

Man, that must have been SOME kinda scary....bad enough to make somebody drop their pizza and run.

Here are pictures of Alex, Joseph and Audrey carrying on our family tradition of carving pumpkins to sit on the porch for Halloween night. The boys have been doing this since they were in pre-school and it's always the same....Alex does the traditional three triangles for the eyes and nose and a grinning mouth and Joseph goes all creative. This year we had the extra added bonus of a girl's touch....Audrey's pumpkin (her very first!) was just precious, and I'm proud to say that reaching in and pulling out all the gross pumpkin guts didn't faze her one bit!

P.S. Notice Layla's hopeful expression in the first picture? I'm sure she's thinking, "one of these things is gonna hit the floor any minute now and then it's ALL MINE!"

We had the tile man out today to repair the two tiles in the utility room that had to be jackhammered up to locate our slab leak. (Just another one of the joys of homeownership we've experienced lately. I'm telling ya, renting is looking better and better all the time.)

So, of course, the tile-man was telling me his life story - or at least the good parts. Let's see...he's been married twice and his second wife was crazy, and was responsible for getting him arrested on at least one occasion. Nothing sharpens the senses quite like being alone in your kitchen with a strange man telling you about his prison record. Perks you right up, I'm telling ya.

I started telling HIM about my husband and two grown sons, who are REALLY big and fight REALLY dirty and know how to hide a body, and, oh yeah - that dog? The one who's prancing around with a toy in her mouth, wagging her tail and making happy pig-like noises?? She's a cold stone killer. All I have to do is snap my fingers and before you know it, your throat is torn completely out!! Really, she'd probably even LIKE it, too.

Tile-man says he can't BELIEVE I have kids that old. That he's 41 and he'd never have thought I was even close to his age. Oh really? Well, that's a different story...isn't that nice and, I tell him that as a matter of fact I AM close to his age..actually I'm OLDER - six whole years older.

He looks closely at me and says, "Well, I'd have never even guessed that....you sure have held up real good!"

Okay, it's not poetry, but I'll take it.

Let me tell you, the only reason Roger's not walking around with a knot on his head is because I have such poor aim.

Joseph will hit the big 18 this Sunday (sob) and I had asked him what kind of cake he wanted for his birthday. Now, remember, Roger and I have been on Weight Watcher maintenance for what seems like eleventy hundred years or so, and I haven't actually BAKED anything in almost that long. Secretly, I was hoping Joseph would pick something I could fix from a box with a couple of tubs of store bought frosting slapped on. Okay, so it wouldn't have been "home made", but lemme tell ya, there's not much that can't be fixed with a couple of tubs of frosting, even if it IS store bought.

So, we were eating dinner, Joseph was pondering his birthday cake choices and I was throwing out helpful suggestions. The conversation went something like this:
Me: What kind of cake do you want?
Joseph: I don't know.
Me: I can make you a white cake with chocolate frosting, or a yellow cake with chocolate frosting, or, HEY, A BAKERY CAKE IS ALWAYS GOOD! (Am I a subtle or what?)
Then, out of NOWHERE, Roger says, "How about that delicious Red Velvet Cake your mother used to make?"

WHAT??? RED VELVET CAKE?? Do you have any idea how hard it is to make a Red Velvet Cake?? Especially like the kind my MOTHER used to make?? You're talking about an honest to God, from scratch, gotta sift the flour and everything cake!! The freakin' FROSTING has to be cooked on the stove and then refrigerated and then creamed with more ingredients and mine always ends up with little clumps of lard in it and I think I need a pill! I mean, MY GOD, I'd rather donate a kidney.

I was hoping maybe Joseph hadn't heard what Roger said. He doesn't listen or acknowledge what we've said about 90% of the time, so the odds were on my side, right? NOPE. When those words came out of Roger's mouth, Joseph's eyes lit up and he said, "Red Velvet Cake? I remember that cake - that's a GREAT cake! That's the kind of cake I want!"

Now, when I heard my youngest soon-to-be-an-adult son say those words, I'd like to say I felt all warm and maternal and nostalgic that he had such feelings for a cake my mother used to make for each of us on our birthdays. Yeah, I'd LIKE to say that, but I'd be lying if I did. I am NO June Cleaver and I think a lovingly crafted from the box cake would have been just fine. Joseph sure does slather the compliments on his girlfriend Audrey when SHE makes him one of those cheater cakes, doesn't he? But ME? Oh NO.....Nothing less is expected of me than a kill-yourself (or better yet your husband who suggested it) kind of cake.

I think I must have quietly expressed some kind of resistance, or maybe I said all of the above OUT LOUD at a fairly LOUD VOLUME. But, somehow, Joseph sensed I was less than enthusiastic about this whole proposition, and so he did the one thing that proves to me he is definitely MY son and has inherited at least ONE gift from MY side of the family.

He whipped out the Guilt Whip and lashed me with it! Seriously, he was MASTERFUL! My Mother would have been so proud. Joseph looked me straight in the eye and said, "That's okay, Mom, I know it's a pain to make...but, you know, it would have been nice, since I'm only going to turn 18 once." I am telling you I could HEAR my Mother cheering from Heaven Above. She may be gone, but her legacy of love, guilt and Birthday Red Velvet Cake still lives on.

Good Lord, how long has it been since I've posted anything? Forever, I know. So much has happened in the last few months, I'll try to catch you up.

Let's see, Joseph is a senior in high school, and plans to attend college and major in pre-med, probably because he just doesn't think he has ENOUGH stress and pressure in his life. Or maybe he just wanted to hear his father's special college speech, "Four years, we pay for FOUR YEARS, anything more is on your OWN dime!" Ahhhh, parental support, it's a wonderful thing, isn't it? Meanwhile, Joseph is still big in band and we go to San Antonio in November to DEFEND our STATE CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE. (I'm trying to be really excited about this, but, honestly, I'm more excited about a three day vacation from home and dog....ummmm, Go Band!)

Alex is a senior and will graduate this Spring with an accounting degree and plans to get a Master's Degree and become a CPA. He ALSO moved into his own apartment, which broke my heart and ruined my life, but I'm trying not to hold a grudge and I DO manage to have wonderful, long, really personal visits with his laundry, every two weeks.

Roger's counting the days (literally) until he can retire. I've racked my brain, trying to figure out ways to supplement our income and cut costs, so that he can retire early, but no one wants to pay me for my one God Given talent - hormonal ranting; and Layla REFUSES to stand on the roadside with a cup, cane and dark glasses....she's selfish like that, you know.

Speaking of Layla - she's 3 years old now and, while she HAS calmed down a tee tiny bit, she still pretty much terrifies the average person with her "exuberance" (read: bad manners), and I'm fairly sure it would be an impossibility to spoil her any more than she already is. She is the love of Roger's life, and I am almost certain the only reason I'm still around is because I know where the treats are hidden.

Probably the biggest change to happen recently is the death of my mother. Mother passed away from complications of Alzheimer's in September. She may have lost the battle with Alzheimer's, but she DID win the war!! She died very peacefully, surrounded by my sister, my niece and myself, and it was indeed a victory. For the first time in almost 10 years, my mother was calm and at peace. She died a few days before her 82nd birthday and we celebrated her life with a memorial service on her birthday. It was a party my mother would have LOVED, with cake and punch and friends and family...HER kind of celebration.

As for me, I find myself at another changing point in my life. My boys are growing up (okay, okay, they're GROWN UP already...let me hang on for a little while longer, please?) I have more and more free time now and that is taking some getting used to. I know I'll adjust, it's just going to take some time. Maybe I should develop some new hobbies or maybe I'll just show up here more often. Who knows? It's a whole new life now, isn't it?

We're trying a different approach to prevent Dudley from licking. So far, it's working, and it looks a lot cuter than his toilet seat cover hat.

This is a picture of Layla sitting at the front door with her favorite toy. What you can't see is the handsome pitbull she's been flirting with in the yard across the street.

Here's Dudley modeling the latest in fashion wear, worn by obsessively licking dogs everywhere. I think Layla's asking "Are you KIDDING me?"

Here's the view I get every morning. Not exactly inspiring, is it?

This is a great use up recipe for any fish or shrimp you have, although if you have any leftover shrimp, you really should see a medical professional, in my opinion.


1/2 cup chopped onion
1 garlic clove, chopped
1 cup (8 oz) reduced fat sour cream
3 tblsps of flour
1 cup of reduced sodium chicken broth
1 can (4 oz) chopped green chilies
1 tsp. ground coriander
1/4 tsp. pepper
1 cup (4 oz) shredded, reduced fat Mexican cheese blend, divided
2 cups coarsely chopped seafood (fish, shrimp, crab, or any mix)
8 tortillas (corn or flour)
1/2 cup chopped tomato
1/2 cup chopped green onions
1/4 cup chopped black olives

In a large saucepan, cook onion and garlic in a little bit of olive oil, over medium heat until tender. Combine sour cream and flour until smooth; gradually add to onion mixture. Stir in the broth, chilies, coriander and pepper. Bring to a boil, reduce heat and simmer, uncover for 2-3 minutes or until thickened. Remove from heat; stir in 1/2 cup of cheese.

Place seafood in a bowl; stir in 1/2 cup of sauce. Spoon equal amounts on tortillas and roll them up tightly. Place seam side down in an 11 x 7 x 2 inch baking dish coated with cooking spray. Top with remaining sauce.

Cover and bake at 350 for 30 minutes. Uncover and sprinkle with remaining cheese. Bake 5 minutes longer or until cheese is melted. Let stand for 5 minutes. Top with tomato, green onions and olives.

Makes 8 servings.

This is a recipe I got from the newspaper, but it's a dish that is served at one of our favorite restaurants, Flying Fish. If you get a chance, get the original at Flying Fish, but this is a fairly good imitation.

1 (28 oz) can of petite diced tomatoes, in juice, well-drained with juices reserved.
1 tblsp. extra virgin olive oil
1/4 cup chopped white onion
3 large garlic cloves, chopped
3 small bay leaves
2 tblsps. chopped fresh parsley (or not)
1 tblsp. oregano
1/4 cup sliced green olives
2 tblsps. raisins
2 tblsps. drained, rinsed capers
salt & pepper to taste
6 (4-5 oz) tilipia fillets
3 pickled jalapenos, seeded and halved or quartered (or not)

Place drained tomatoes in medium bowl. Using potato masher, crush tomatoes to course puree. Drain again, reserving juices.

Heat oil in large, heavy skillet over medium-high heat. Add onion and stir 30 seconds. Add garlic and stir 30 seconds. Add tomato puree and cook 1 minute. Add bay leaves, parsley, oregano and 1/4 cup reserved tomato juices. Simmer until sauce thickens, about 3 minutes. Add olives, raisins, capers and all remaining tomato juices. Simmer until sauce thickens again, stirring occasionally, about 8 minutes. Season sauce to taste with salt & pepper. (this can be made 1 day in advance and refrigerated).

Preheat oven to 425. Spread 3 tblsps of sauce in bottom of 15 x 10 x 2 inch glass baking dish. Arrange fish on top of sauce and sprinkle fish lightly with salt & pepper. Spoon remaining sauce over the fish. The fish and sauce can be layered in the dish, if you don't have enough room.

Bake uncovered until fish flakes with fork, about 18 - 20 minutes. Using a long spatula, transfer fish to plates, top with sauce. Garnish with jalapeno.

Makes 6 servings.

This is what I like to call a Double Duty Dinner (okay, I stole that name from the recipe column in the Dallas Morning News, but it just fits so well, and I didn't see a trademark on it). The first dish is what you serve for dinner the first night and you use the leftovers in the second recipe for dinner the next night or later in the week. You could also freeze it and serve the recipe at a later time...I'm not the boss of you, ya know.


FIRST NIGHT: HONEY MUSTARD GLAZED SALMON FILLETS

4 tblsp. fresh lemon juice (about 2 lemons)
4 tblsp. Honey Dijon Mustard (or Honey Mustard)
4 tblsp. honey
finely grated lemon zest from your two lemons
2 lbs of salmon fillets
salt and fresh ground pepper to taste
Cooking spray

Spray a large baking dish with non-stick spray. Rinse salmon and pat it dry with paper towels. Place salmon fillets in baking dish and salt and pepper them.

In another small bowl, mix lemon juice, mustard, honey and lemon zest. Pour half of mixture over salmon fillets, turn fillets over and salt and pepper the other side. Pour remaining marinade over fillets.

Cover with plastic wrap and place in refrigerator for at least 30 minutes and up to 3 hours.

Remove fillets from refrigerator and allow to come to room temperature. Turn fillets over one last time. Preheat oven to 400 degrees and cook fillets approximately 20-25 minutes or until fish flakes easily with a fork.

Serve fillets, reserving 8 oz. for later recipe.



LATER RECIPE: SALMON FETTUCCINE

12 oz. fettuccine
2 tsp. olive oil
1/2 med. sliced onion
2 cloves of minced garlic
1/2 tsp of crushed red pepper flakes
2 tblsp. wine (any kind)
1 (14.5 oz) can of petite diced tomatoes
1/2 tsp. dried thyme
1 1/2 tsp. of rinsed capers
8 ounces of cooked salmon fillets (skin removed)

Cook fettuccine according to package directions; drain and set aside.

While fettuccine cooks, heat oil in large skillet and saute onion, and red pepper flakes until onion is tender. Add garlic and saute an additional minute.

Add wine, tomatoes, thyme and capers and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer to reduce.

Break salmon into pieces and add to sauce. Heat through.

Serve sauce over fettuccine.

The dogs discovered an uninvited guest this morning in the rain gutters on the patio. I'm not real sure what HE'S so ticked off about, I'm betting HE didn't just turn 48 years old!!

This is a wing it recipe. I got the original recipe from the Dallas Morning News and I only follow the guidelines, I just kind of wing it. It's a great way to use up whatever leftovers you might have. The only thing that's really a pain about it is, you need to have a skillet that's really big, non-stick and can also go in the oven. Or you can cheat, like I do, and wrap the non-ovenproof handle in heavy duty foil. Just make sure you've got 911 on the speed dial, just in case.

In a great big, non-stick, oven-proof (or not) skillet, saute chopped onions, bell peppers and garlic in olive oil, until vegs are tender. (or use chopped leftover peppers and onions)

Add any leftover meat, chicken, sausage and vegetables you have: spinach, broccoli, squash, whatever

In a large bowl, mix together 2 cups of Egg Beaters, any seasonings you wish and salt and pepper to taste (don't taste the Egg Beaters! Just use however much S&P you think you'd like).

Pour the egg mixture over the veggies in the skillet, cover and simmer on Medium heat for about 6 minutes, turning the pan and doing that nudge thing with a spatula to get any uncooked egg to the bottom of the pan.

Preheat your oven broiler to high. Put the skillet in the oven (this is the time you'd wrap your handle if it isn't oven-proof).

Broil until the top just starts to look golden. Pull the skillet out and sprinkle with cheese (whatever kind you like), slide it back in under the broiler and broil until the eggs are set and the top is golden brown.

Serve with leftover roasted potatoes and fruit.

Here's a picture of Layla's favorite rope toy, which Joseph placed on the very tip top of the door, out of her reach. WHY would he do something like that? Because, previously she'd had the nerve to go in his room and steal his remote control. A big brother's gotta do what a big brother's gotta do, ya know.

This is a recipe I got, a million years ago, from a sweet woman at my church. It's delicious and easy and your family (especially the males) will love it every time you make it - I swear.

Assorted chicken pieces (I use skinless/boneless chicken breasts and/or thighs, because I'm boring like that)

1 can of cream of mushroom soup (or cream of chicken)

1 cup of rice (the long grain kind that takes 25 minutes to cook)

2 & 1/4 cups of water

1/2 - 1 whole envelope of Onion Soup Mix (like Lipton's, but Wal-Mart is cheaper and just as good)

Onion & celery, chopped (however much you want - this is optional)


Mix together the soups, water, rice, onion & celery. (I usually put it all in a Tupperware bowl with a tight lid and shake it up). Pour into a well greased 9x13 in. casserole dish. Make sure rice is spread evenly over bottom of dish.

Rinse chicken pieces and arrange them over the top of the dish. Sprinkle chicken with salt & pepper and paprika if you want to impress anybody.

Bake in a 350 oven for 1 - 1 & 1/2 hours. Let sit for about 10 minutes and serve.

I guarantee, it'll become a family favorite in no time!

You can email me at: melindaproza (at) yahoo.com

(Joseph says not to put any personal information on here, so if you wanna talk to me, you're gonna have to send me an email.)

Ask me some questions, and I'll answer them. Ready? Go!

I'm a Stay At Home Mom who's soon to be out of a job, since my oldest is 22 and my youngest is 19.

I have two yellow Labs who are busy applying for the recently vacated spoiled children spots. I'm pretty sure they'll be hired.

I've been married to my husband, Roger, for almost 24 years. He's better than I deserve, but I'm keeping him, anyway.