Friday, April 28, 2006

Why Do They Keep LEAVING??

The advice started when I got pregnant with my oldest son. I was happily initiated into the world of parenthood by several well-meaning, and some NOT so well-meaning parents, and, over the years, I've been glad of the tips they passed on to me. What REALLY hits home, though, are the things I WASN'T told...and believe me, there are several.

At the top of my list right now is the question "Why do my kids keep leaving?" I mean, really, just when I've gotten them to the point where they're not QUITE as much trouble as they used to be, (okay, they're AS MUCH trouble, just in a different way - less annoying but more expensive), they keep GOING AWAY from me.

They're either spending the weekend with friends at the local college or going on a overnighter field trip, an all-day jaunt somewhere, or staying out until the very last second of curfew (otherwise known as "if his butt's not in the house in the next minute, he's grounded and I take the car keys.")

I mean, after enduring 18 months of pregnancy, the first with mandatory bed rest, and 26 hours of labor, the second with NO, and I MEAN NO anesthesia until the last 20 minutes - I'm STILL waiting on my Purple Heart for that one, by the way; four trips to the emergency room for stitches; 14, YES 14 surgeries for ear tubes, pneumonia, a vicious bout with septecimia, a fall into the lagoon at Fair Park, a chipped front tooth, and surviving the scariest words in the English language - "Oh...so you're HIS mom?" you'd THINK these boys would realize that THEY OWE ME, BIG TIME!

But, NO, what do they do? They take any and all opportunities to get the Hell Outta Dodge, or in this case, HOME, as it were. There's nothing left for me to do, except face the fact that I've raised ungrateful little twerps and being left alone (okay with Roger and Layla, but STILL kidless) is my cross to bear.

Roger, who shares my fervent wish the boys would remain under our roof, but would rather DIE than admit it out loud, says MOST parents are happy their children are on the verge of flying out of the nest. As he tells me CONSTANTLY, "They're growing up, Pooker"...uh huh, I've got your "Pooker" right here. If you're not going to help me in my campaign to keep the boys in their rooms, then keep your cheerful "Circle of Life" comments to yourself, okay?

It's not like I want them GLUED to me or anything...I just want them in their rooms....with their doors shut....and their music on low......not bugging me or anything, for the rest of their lives. Is that too much to ask? I didn't think so.


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