Roger and I were at a restaurant, eating dinner the other night, when I saw a sight that warmed my heart (and NO, it wasn't the dessert cart).
A young man was seated at another table, waiting for his girlfriend to meet him for dinner. When he saw her approaching, he stood, waited for her to get to the table, and pushed her chair in for her when she sat down. I swear I heard the voices of countless mothers raised in a victory cheer.
Being the mother of two sons, I have tried, almost since their births it seems, to teach them the good old fashioned Southern trait of chivalry. Believe me when I tell you this has NOT been an easy task. I can't tell you the number of times I've stood outside a door, waiting for my clueless sons to realize that Momma wasn't coming in until you opened the door for her, no matter HOW cold it is out there.
Not only did I have to fight the battle of "If Mom Says It, It Must Be Ignored", but, honestly, today's young women don't help with or encourage this kind behavior modification. My oldest son's girlfriend, Kim, told me the other day that women her age aren't used to being treated with old fashioned courtesy, so they often don't know how to respond.
This became painfully obvious to Roger the other day at PetsMart. We'd whipped in to buy another of the ginormous bags of dog food our dogs manage to consume at an alarming rate, and were waiting in line at the check out counter.
A young woman struggled up behind us with her own ton 'o food bag, and Roger, seeing her wrestling with the heavy load, offered to carry it for her. The young woman was startled at the offer, looked embarassed and vehemently refused Roger's help. I'm pretty sure the loud popping sound we heard was Roger's ego taking a major hit. He was crushed, thinking the young woman had refused his offer because she thought he was too OLD to be lifting something that heavy.
I tried to explain to him that ACCEPTING chivalrous gestures is just as much of a learned behavior as PERFORMING them, and, since chivalry appears to be on the decline, it's no wonder people are surprised and caught off guard when they witness it firsthand.
I had to learn myself to let a door be opened, a dropped item picked up, and a hand or arm be given in assistance. Take the first date Roger and I ever went on. When we got to the restaurant, Roger parked and quickly jumped out of the car. What I didn't know at the time was, that he was running around the car to open my door for me. Thinking this guy was in an awfully big hurry, I threw my car door open and managed to smash it into his outstretched hand and further right into his gut. Lesson Number One - just let them open the door for you and nobody gets hurt.
I guess I've appointed myself the unofficial Chivalry Fairy, and seriously, it's wearing me out. Between constantly getting onto Alex and Joseph for NOT holding up their end of this manners dance, I've taken to correcting their girlfriends when they make the, in my mind, almost fatal mistake of opening the door for themselves.
Bless their hearts, Audrey and Kim have both been much nicer to me than I deserve when I bark at them with a sharp "Don't you TOUCH that door! You let HIM open it!"
Sometimes the job has its' rewards, though. Like the other night, after we finished eating, I went over to the young couples' table and told the nice young man that I had witnessed his gallantry and that I, as a woman, would just like to say how very much I appreciated it.
See, Chivalry ISN'T dead...no matter how hard the young woman at PetsMart tried to kill it.
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