I Quit!

I'm sorry, but I've given this job my best shot and I've decided I'm not cut out for it. No hard feelings, I just feel that it's best for all of us if I move on. Please accept this as my two week notice, effective two weeks ago.

If I'm being fair about it, I have to say that the fault for this failed relationship rests mainly with you.....BOTH of you. I've tried, I really have. You've been walked EVERY SINGLE DAY, even though you know how much I hate to exercise. You've been taken for daily car rides, allowed to sleep on the furniture and given more treats than I think is legal. And, still, you fail to do your fair share, to meet me halfway. Life, as you BOTH know, is give AND take, and that doesn't mean I do all the giving and YOU do all the taking. Two of us need an attitude adjustment, if you ask me.

It was bad enough, dealing with your lick granuloma, Dudley, and the "troubled mind" the vet said is the cause of your behavior. It's not enough that I have to deal with huge scrapes on my wood paneling from the gigantic plastic cone on your head, not to mention the fact that you knocked me flat when you hit me behind the knees with it yesterday.

Nope, now I have to deal with the fact that maybe this is my fault...maybe somehow you've caught my OCD behavior. Maybe living here with us is just too stressful for you. Must be the fact that you're not TIED TO A BOAT ANCHOR IN THE BACKYARD, ANYMORE, and you receive regular exercise, love and affection in a safe, caring environment. Must be quite a cross for you to bear, I guess.

And, because Dudley was getting too much attention, you, Layla decide to wander where you SHOULDN'T have on this morning's walk, ignoring my commands to "place" and what happens? Yep, you wind up cutting your foot and limping home like you've dislocated your entire shoulder. I was so worried I was practically hyperventilating, only to discover, upon examination that it's just a tee tiny cut that didn't even bleed until I was poking at it.

Really, you two are just asking too much, without giving your fair share in return. I guess it would surprise you to learn that there are dogs in this world who DON'T go for daily walks? They DON'T go for daily car rides? They DON'T spend every waking (and sleeping) moment of the day underneath their owners' feet? LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU! Do you think it's NORMAL for dogs to have "Popcorn Time" every day? I can tell you both that it's NOT!

Nope, I'm sorry, but I'm through. Oh, I'll miss you both, I'm sure, but I feel that my services are being underappreciated and I could better use my skills in another position. I hear there's a couple of cats who are looking to hire.