Oh Say, Can You See? Because I Sure Can't!

Number eleventy hundred on my long list titled "Somebody's Got Some Explaining To Do", has got to be the fact that my eyesight is slowly and steadily getting worse. In my younger days, I had perfect vision...we're talking eagle-eye, laser beam, almost x-ray type vision. Which, like everything else you're blessed with in your youth, I took completely for granted.

Now, if I want to see something other than a blurry, vague outline, I must resort to donning the *gasp* CHEATER GLASSES. (I know, I know, I'll give you a moment here to collect yourself.) Hello, my name is Melinda and I actually look through the Wal-green's ad, hoping the magnification glasses are on sale.

A friend sent me two emails the other day. The first one was a mistake and the second one was an apology for the first one. Her comment was, "Sorry, I need to put on my damn glasses so I can SEE who I'm emailing." I assured her I don't judge, not because I'm so tolerant, but because the butt-ugly watch I'm currently wearing is the only one I could find with a magnification dial, so I can actually SEE what time it is without the aid of glasses or lasik surgery.

I was watching TV the other day and a character was bemoaning the fact that she was starting to age. She said she was thisclose to becoming one of those sad little old ladies, wandering around with her glasses on a chain around her neck. I got a real chuckle out of that, until I realized that I was standing in front of the TV, enjoying this humorous repartee with my GLASSES HANGING ON A CHAIN AROUND MY NECK. Not so funny, NOW, is it, Scooter?

I remember when my mother told me she knew she needed to make an appointment with the eye doctor. She was shopping for a new dress for my sister and mother thought she'd found a really nice one for a reasonable price. When she got to the cash register, she was FLOORED to learn the $30.00 dress was actually an $80.00 dress. (Remember, this was back in the dark ages, when NOBODY paid $80.00 for a dress.)

Mother was too embarassed to tell the sales lady the dress was too expensive. So, she bought the dress and hoped she could make it to the car before passing out from the shock. She also wondered if she could sell a kidney to help cover the cost.

I can so relate to this story, since the other day I found myself in a similar situation. I ran into Kroger to grab some pico and, of course, didn't bring my glasses. No problem. I could see where the pico was on the shelf..I could even make out the TYPE I wanted - HA! Who needs those stinkin' glasses?? Apparently, I do, since I couldn't make out the "sell by" date, and was forced to accost an innocent stock boy and ask him to read the date for me. (I use the word "accost" because honest-to-God, the poor kid looked like I was trying to set him up in some kind of elaborate "incorrect sell by date" sting operation. I was surprised he agreed to read the date without demanding I recite his Miranda rights.)

Joseph, who was just now reading this entry AND STILL DOESN'T LOVE HIS MOTHER ENOUGH TO FIX UP HER BLOG, constantly tells me I should make an appointment with an eye doctor; that I'm just doing more harm to my eyesight by wearing these cheapie drugstore glasses instead of getting real corrective lenses.

I explained to Joseph that while he's probably right, I don't WANT to go to the eye doctor. Why? Well, because he'll give me a prescription for glasses and, then, I'll have to wear them, and then I'll be one of those little old ladies walking around with their glasses on a chain around their....OH MY GOD!!